Thursday, April 9, 2009

Amy Redelsperger- "Mommy"

I had an epiphany this morning. As I went to use the restroom needing just a few moments to myself, I shut the door and my two year olds search for me began. This is when I realized that the moment you conceive a child your right to privacy and sense of self is null and void.

From the very first ultrasound (hint: it's not done abdominally), when you are actually excited about your privacy being stripped away; to the delivery room when once again the joy and excitement vetos any issue you may have once had about privacy. (The garbage man could deliver your child or your best friends husband video tape the delivery and you could care less!) These are all experiences when I can understand the privacy bubble being breached; there is however a time after your first child has been born that you feel the urge to belong to yourself once more. It's after this moment that the longing to have even just a few moments becomes futile.
They climb into your bed at night, snuggling themselves up in the snuggle spot that your hubby once held. They require constant supervision sometimes making you wonder what there ever was to talk about than teething, roseola, laundry and poopy diapers. They take up brain power you never knew you had making you forget things like a card to go with that shower gift (I've totally given up on this one and am known for being the mom that gives gifts with no cards!), or speaking of, when did you even take your last shower? It's a hat day anyway, so who cares? The trips to the library where you used to wander the stacks looking for novels or non-fiction stories that inspire, are now pushed aside as you wander the stacks looking for your child or herding your little ones and whispering "don't touch" ,"shhhhhh", "inside voices", "no no", "put that back please", and "that book's not for you sweetie", and then hurriedly grab a book that turns out not to be what you were looking for at all! These kinds of moments make you appreciate their sweet little beds and nap time truly does become the "New Happy Hour". When at last all is quiet and you can eat those frozen Reeses you've been saving.

Ah, but I digress. The fact is, I never knew I would be so needed. And even though I don't want to be needed while I'm using the restroom, I can't help but marvel at these sweet little people who are so dependant on me. They look to me for comfort, for strength, for guidance. No wonder God is portrayed as the ever vigilant Father. He knew that our need would be like that of a child. So forget the privacy. I don't ever want these little reminders of Him to leave me alone!

No comments: